Bumper Wars — Part 1: Abusement Parks

In the first episode of Bumper Wars, we watch the intro and get started on the first level of the game, "Darkness on the Edge of Town." Welcome to the Zeddites' "abusement" park.

Alright, here's the deal. Some discipline-loving aliens were floating around the cosmos one day when they came across your beautiful little planet called Earth. The landed on the planet to see what all the fuss was about and they visited a local amusement park. While there, they heard screams that inspired them to research this planet deeper. At these "abuse"ment parks, they believe that they saw methods of discipline beyond even their imaginations, since they heard all of the bone-chilling screams. Inspired, they brought designs of the park rides back to their planet and "refined" them. One of the results of this endeavor is Bumper Wars, an event where prisoners of the planet battle each other in bumper cars to please the Zeddite elite.
Now, you are a GalEx pilot delivering the latest issue of Connubial Bore Revue to a local system, when you have to make an emergency landing on the Zeddites' home planet, Ahht'Zedd. They convicted you of "Violation of Sacred Airspace" and now you must fight for your freedom in the Bumper Wars arenas. Something that was meant to be fun has now been turned into a sick method of discipline. You have no choice but to oblige.

I'm sure that you've probably never heard of this game in your entire life. It's a bargain bin gem, in my honest opinion, and a huge part of my childhood. This is Bumper Wars: A Crash Course in Survival, a game developed by Boston Animation and published by Simon & Schuster Interactive. This is a game that can be seen as a nod to games such as Twisted Metal, since this game is set in an arena where cars loaded with all kinds of weapons fight to the death! I got this game at a book sale when I was in grade school and I've cherished it ever since. I'm not sure how popular this game was when in was released in 2002, but I hope that my playthrough can do this game justice. It's unappreciated and tons of fun. Also, the story isn't too bad either. Actually, it's quite intriguing. ^_^

Royalty free music used (Special thanks to TeknoAXE):



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